


I’m Gonna Be Just Like You

by kirbyfangs



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Trans Character, Gen, Its a lil angsty, Mentions of trauma and abuse, Post-Canon, Slight Transphobia, based off a tiktok i saw, by sadiistsam, havent written a fic in a while, i tried keeping it as canon as possible, idk alluka betraying killua basically, illumi using the wrong pronouns yk, pls don’t judge too hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29531010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirbyfangs/pseuds/kirbyfangs
Summary: (Please read tags:))Killua Zoldyck was an analytical person by nature. No matter what situation he found himself in, he always tried finding several favorable outcomes. Especially after he removed Illumi’s needle from his head, because now he could fight.But this was something he never planned for. Never expected. Never wanted.~Or, Killua and Alluka travel together after the Chairman Election Arc. Alluka and Nanika realize they want to be an assassin like their brother, and want to go home.Killua realizes his best choice might not be what he wants.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka Morow/Illumi Zoldyck (Implied), Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Nanika & Killua Zoldyck
Kudos: 8





	I’m Gonna Be Just Like You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [sadiistsam // TikTok](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/762462) by sadiistsam. 



> hey! this is my first published fan fiction for HxH.   
> i was inspired to do this by a video posted by @/sadiistsam, where Alluka sings a song that goes like “im gonna be just like you, no matter what you say i can do, ill follow you ‘till the day i can smile at you and say, big brother i’m just like you.”
> 
> why did i write this. i hate angst to any degree. whateves lol. 
> 
> i might write a time skip chapter two, where i’d include gon and like leorio and kurapika. idk its in the air. 
> 
> thanks for clicking!  
> -kirby

Killua Zoldyck was an analytical person by nature. No matter what situation he found himself in, he always tried finding several favorable outcomes. Especially after he removed Illumi’s needle from his head, because now he could fight. 

But this was something he never planned for. Never expected. Never wanted. 

It was only one month after Killua saved Alluka from his family. They had already travelled between many countries, in order to throw the other Zoldycks off of their trail. 

Both siblings were mentally and physically exhausted, though Killua was prepared for this. He was always prepared, he believed. 

Alluka Zoldyck sat next to her brother on an intercontinental train. She was staring out of the window at the scenery passing by, the dark sky illuminated by a full moon. Killua was nearly dozing off, trying to fight unconsciousness. He needed to be ready for anything, he had explained to himself. 

_ It’s really pretty, huh, Nanika?  _ Alluka asked her other self. 

_ Aye.  _ The other answered in the same tone. 

A moment of silence passed between the two sisters. Killua was staring down the exit doors, oblivious to everything else. 

_ Nanika, do you miss home?  _ Alluka asked.  _ I do. I miss our room and our toys.  _

_ Aye.  _ Nanika agreed, a sense of melancholy in her answer. 

_ Is it bad that I don’t feel bad for missing it?  _ Alluka continued, staring at the passing trees.  _ Big brother is doing everything he can to keep us safe and away from the mountain, but… _

Alluka glanced at her brother. She was saddened by his dark, tired expression. Protecting her and Nanika was taking such a toll on him. 

_ I don’t think it’s the best for any of us, Nanika.  _ She sighed internally, turning her attention back outside. 

_ I love Killua.  _ Nanika agreed. 

She began thinking about why Killua wanted her and Nanika away from the rest of their family so much. Of course, she knew it was a family of assassins, and the way her siblings were raised was terrible. Despite being ignorant of many things, she knew this. 

It was because of how different her and her older brother were. 

Alluka was given everything she wanted, and she enjoyed her life at the mansion. She realized she was a very happy, optimistic person, despite being ostracized by everyone but Killua. 

She was the opposite of him.

Killua had endured intense torture and training ever since he was a baby. He was poisoned, chased, scarred, electrocuted, almost everything related to that you could think of. Manipulated, physically altered, and was given the weight of the Zoldyck family on his shoulders. 

Alluka felt bad for wanting to be like him. 

Truth is, her and Nanika wanted to be strong like the rest of her family. She’s seen Killua fight before, and her family always came back from assassination jobs, so she had a decent idea of their abilities. 

But she couldn’t do that. She didn’t want to rely on Nanika to protect herself. And, most of all…

She just wanted to be like her big brother. 

_ I want to be like Killua.  _ Nanika suddenly butted in. It wasn’t often she spoke without Alluka talking first, so it caught her off guard. 

But her and Nanika shared the same sentiment. They wanted to be like their big brother. 

They both knew he wouldn’t let them. He didn’t want anyone to endure the same torture as he did. 

_ Nanika, what if we went back? If we brought big brother with us, maybe Papa and Mama would teach us to be assassins, too! _

Nanika considered this. 

_ Aye.  _

Alluka grinned to herself. She was sure her family was missing the both of them, even if they were experts at suppressing those emotions. If she could feel so strongly, they should be able to, too. 

She glanced over at Killua one more time. The pale boy had finally drifted away, his breathing even. He finally fell asleep. 

Good. She was worried about him. 

This also gives her and Nanika the chance. 

_ Nanika.  _ Alluka thought to her sister.  _ Take us to the mountain.  _ She ordered, watching her brother. She didn’t order anything of Nanika if she could help it, but since both of them wanted the same thing…

_ Aye.  _ Nanika complied. 

Nearly immediately, the three of them were almost teleported onto a bus that was driving it’s way to the Zoldyck mansion. 

Thankfully, nobody noticed the strange event, and Killua stayed in a deep sleep. Alluka felt bad for taking advantage of her brother’s exhaustion, but being back at home would help his health. 

Alluka looked out of the window, once again. Averse to where they were before, the mountain was bathed in a soft, evening haze. She was surprised the sudden intensity of the sun didn’t wake her brother up. 

From the Zoldyck mansion, the individuals inside felt the - barely noticeable - surge of energy from outside of their perimeter. 

Illumi glanced up at his father, Milluki at his mother. Hisoka, from his spot beside Illumi, only kept his eyes closed. He recognized this feeling, despite feeling it only once before. 

“Illumi.” Silva Zoldyck had to simply say his name. Illumi knew what he had to do, he was only waiting for the confirmation from his father. 

“Okay.” He replied, pushing off of the wall he was leaning against. Unsurprising to anyone present, Hisoka followed after. 

Alluka’s eyes closed, her own exhaustion catching up to her. But it wasn’t for long, feeling her brother stir from beside her. 

Killua felt the brightness against his eyelids, and was immediately suspicious. He knew he couldn’t have slept until the morning. 

Fear rose in his gut, and he snapped his eyes open to look for Alluka. 

Thankfully, she was beside him, her own eyes closed. That’s what mattered for now; his sister was safe. 

But, that made room for new anxieties. Where were they? How did they get transported off of their train? How did both siblings sleep through it? 

_ This is bad. I knew I shouldn’t have let myself sleep, I’m so stupid.  _ Killua berated himself, biting his lower lip. 

“Big brother? Are you okay?” A small voice asked from his right side. Alluka’s eyes were open and staring at her brother in concern. 

Killua immediately softened his features, looking as calm as ever. He never wanted to worry his sister. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. Are you okay?” He replied. 

Alluka nodded. 

Killua didn’t notice her lack of concern for their teleportation. 

All of the sudden, the bus lurched to an abrupt stop. Killua instinctively threw his arm in front of his sister protectively. “Alluka, the window next to us is an emergency exit. Open it for me.”  
Alluka did as her brother asked, pulling the red latch down and pushing the window open. She looked back at Killua, awaiting further instruction. 

Another reason why she wanted to be like him. 

Killua took a moment before answering. “As soon as I break the window across from us, jump out and run the opposite direction the bus was going.” He instructed, taking his right arm back and aiming at the window across from the duo. 

Alluka prepared herself to jump, watching her brother for her cue. 

There was a quick, blue  _ zap  _ of electricity from Killua’s palm, shattering the window. Alluka jumped out, but didn’t start running. She stared at the front of the bus, where she saw her brother and his friend standing patiently. 

Killua followed directly after, not noticing the two adults waiting for them. “Alluka! I told you to run!” 

He prepared to grab her, already focusing his Nen for his Godspeed form. 

“Kil.”

He froze in his tracks. His blood ran cold. 

Slowly, he turned his head to where Alluka was staring. His worst fear had become reality, he realized, seeing his brother and Hisoka waiting. 

“Nanika,” He shakily whispered. “Take us to Whale Island. Right now.”

Alluka didn’t move. Neither did Nanika come out. 

Illumi tilted his head in confusion, wondering why the devoted Alluka and Something didn’t listen to his favorite brother. Hisoka felt the same sentiment, but with more expression on his face. 

“Nanika?” Killua asked, finally turning back to his sister. 

Alluka met his eyes with a soft smile. 

“Alluka? What… what did you do?” He asked. 

Alluka clapped her hands together. “I’m gonna be just like you!” She answered. “No matter what you say I can do!”

Illumi and Hisoka glanced at each other in confusion. “What do you mean by this?”

She turned on her heel to look at her other elder brother. “Big brother Illumi! I… I want to be like you! And Killua!” She grinned. “I brought big brother Killua with me! So… so can you…” Alluka suddenly lost her words, her confidence diminished. 

Illumi glanced at Hisoka. 

“She wants to be an assassin, Illu~” He translated. “She brought Killua as an offering, basically.”

Illumi let out a soft  _ oh _ , turning back to his younger siblings. Of course, the last thing any of them wanted was to make Alluka any more powerful than he already was. But, if he could keep a closer leash on him, use a stronger needle…

Killua had no qualms over hurting any other Zoldyck. But he would never harm Alluka, Illumi realized. 

As Illumi was in his thoughts, Killua stared at the ground. His eyes had drifted away from his siblings as Hisoka explained what Alluka  _ truly meant.  _

He’s felt like this before, he realized. When Gon betrayed his wishes and went to fight Neferpitou alone. 

It was betrayal. 

Illumi raised his lifeless eyes to Alluka, who was waiting patiently. After a moment of eye contact, he nodded downwards once. In agreement. 

Alluka cheered, running over to her elder brother and his Jester friend. 

She looked beside her, expecting to see Killua walking with her. When she didn’t, she looked backwards in confusion. 

“Big brother?”

Killua finally forced himself to look up at the three people in front of him. 

Illumi. Hisoka. And his little sister, waiting for him to follow. 

He felt his heart shatter. 

What would he do, now? What  _ could  _ he do? 

He felt like a coward. But what choice did he have? Run away again, leaving his little sister with his terrible family again, and rejoin someone who broke his trust, too?

Stay in the house he tried so hard to leave? 

The first option wasn’t even a sure possibility. He can’t rely on anything. 

Killua felt like crying. His tired eyes stung, dealing with one emotional blow after another. He wasn’t even sure if he could survive through another one. 

A tear slipped from his right eye. 

“Kil,” Illumi grabbed his attention. Killua slowly looked up at his brother once again, who opened his hand in his direction. Though, his palm was aimed towards the sky. 

Hisoka nodded in approval from the side. 

“Come with us.”

Killua looked at his brother’s hand in contemplation. He hated admitting it, but he didn’t trust Gon or Alluka.   
Disgustingly enough, Illumi was the only one that he  _ could  _ trust. He knows Illumi will never change, and his love for him wouldn’t, either. Killua could almost laugh at this.

But… it was a comfortable thought. Besides…

Maybe going back wouldn’t be too bad. 

He could finally rest. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
